Substitute

A simple word: substitute.
Say it in a recipe and it's not scary.
Say it at a restaurant when you order and it's not scary.
Say it before "teacher" and I just might crawl into the closet in the fetal position.
Why is that you might ask?? I had my first day of substituting yesterday. I was supposed to sub as a resource aide in a special education classroom; something supervised and without a ton of responsibility to get my feet wet. Sounds reasonable correct? Correct.
 Let me set the scene for you:
Early morning. Stormy conditions. Our naive protagonist heads outside in monsoon like conditions. (monsoon like conditions= thunder, lightening, torrential downpour,sideways rain). I go outside, pink cupcake lunchbox in hand as well as my new Vera Bradley attaché! Even though the weather was discouraging I wanted to remain positive. I drove the middle school that I was subbing at and arrived early. So I sat in my car and waited and waited and waited for the rain to let up. It did not. I rushed into the building and arrive at the main office soaked through (yes I had an umbrella. Yes I had a rain coat. No these things don't help when it's raining SIDEWAYS). This is the start of my no good very bad horrible day to maintain confidentiality and cover my butt professionally, I'm going to generalize and only give you the major problems of my day:
I was in electives all day.  How do children typically behave during electives with a sub?  If you said like little demons then you would be correct!  I had two kids try and get in a fight, one kid gave the middle finger to the entire class, more curse words than I've ever heard in one day, oh, and an administrator had to remove two students from my classroom.  Since when did children become so fowl mouthed?  I don't think I learned what the middle finger was until 8th grade.  And I wasn't that sheltered.  Also, since when do kids have no respect?  Half my first period class didn't stand for the Pledge of Allegiance and then only about 4 kids stayed silent during the moment of silence.  I've never been so completely appalled with how children behave.
So what does this all mean?
I'm quitting school, buying a one way ticket to Vegas, and becoming a cocktail waitress for the rest of my life.  Or until Holly Madison and I are such great friends that I get my own reality tv show.