Monday, January 16, 2012

First Day of School

So tomorrow is the first day of school.  When I was a kid, I would have not only picked out an incredibly fantastic new outfit to wear for the first day by this time, I would have a completely packed backpack chock full of Lisa Frank folders and erasers!  Fast forward to today.  I have to be in class in 11 hours.  11 hours from RIGHT NOW, I have to start learning again.  WHAT THE HECK!?! When did this happen?!?  Now my anxiousness for school to start is two-fold.
I am soooo excited to finally have a routine and be busy again.  I function soooo much better when I have a routine and a set schedule.  I do really great when every second of each day is planned out.  I like structure. I'm weird. I get it.
I don't want to start classes again.  I want to continue working on decorating projects for my room and I don't want to have to do work.  I'm not generally a lazy person. (generally) But I just can't get motivated for this semester.  I feel like last semester's field work was my calling.  I feel completely drawn to teach in an inclusion setting.  This is what I want  was meant to teach.  So I feel like if I already know what I am meant to teach, why do I need to keep trying different things???  What also scares me is that I loved my last placement so much.... what if I feel the same way about these next placements too?  What if I feel meant to teach whatever my next two placements are this semester???? What the hell am I gonna do then?! I like having a niche and I like knowing what I want to do.  Not knowing if I'm going to like my next placements scares the crap outta me.  So does my new job.  Because I thought gee, I just don't have quite enough on my plate this semester, let's add another job......  I'm substitute teaching in a local school district which is great because the pay will be great and so will the experience.  But let's be honest here, okay? okay.  I'm terrified out of my mind.  I'm hoping these kids don't treat subs the way kids 'back in the day' treated subs or worse!!!!!!!

So to anyone else who is starting the semester back up again, GOOD LUCK.  Show up on time.  Don't fall asleep during class. And pray your prof just goes over the syllabus and then let's you go!!!

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