Happily Never After

Sometimes I wonder who I'm doing all this for.  I go to school for my parents, I study for my teachers,  I go to class to give other people my notes, I dress up for other people, I bake cakes for other people, I do everything for other people.  Its gotten to the point where I only rationalize things by who they benefit the most.  Like, if I continue this just because all my friends want me too, its fine.  I only just realized that it completely isn't fair to the other people involved.  But here's the catch, I don't know if it was entirely just for my friends.  I didn't really realize it until today and what I had done had all sunk in.  It hit me so hard and so fast, all I wanted was a bunch of popcorn and chocolate.  
Its not fair that things happen on tv and in the movies how everyone finds their "perfect someone" instantly.  Its always obvious who they end up with: Scarlett and Rhett, Danny and Sandy, Peter Pan and Wendy, Ross and Rachel, etc. It would be super fantastic if in life, the first guy you meet you fall madly in love, you get married and live happily ever after.  Unfortunately, those are all fiction.  
For someone who is so traditional and concerned with raising a family, I don't have the best role-models: Julia Child and Martha Stewart.  Martha Stewart isn't married, unless you count being married to your work because her marriage failed.  And Julia Child didn't marry till she was like 40 and she was a virgin until she met her husband.  I always thought I wanted to be like these women but I don't want to be divorced and I don't want to be a virgin at 40 and childless!!!
I don't know what exactly came over me but I think a lot has to do with the fact that all of my friends have "the one" Kristen's got Howie, Jessica has Yan, Troy doesn't really have to worry about finding someone because he could get whoever he wanted, and a large majority of people I know have a significant other and  are in a SERIOUS  relationship.  
I really just want things to be like the 50s, relationships weren't all about sex they were about getting to know each other in hopes that they could get married.  I don't want this let's just do this to kill time because thats not who I am.  I always assumed that once I got to college, everything would be different from high school.  The thing is though, nothing is really different at all.  The drama is still abundant and I just hate it.  I hate feeling like every move i make is scrutinized by everyone.  

Apparently

So apparently I missed the memo that everyone else got today: It's everyone piss off Hannah day.  So i go to class this morning, someone cuts me off at the stop sign, and then i get to the garage and can't find a good parking spot.  Then I go to chem class and am utterly bored because apparently, education majors are dumb blondes and have to ask the most ridiculous questions.  Then I go to the library and all the good seats are taken and i have to use the outlet that looks like you'll get electrocuted if you plug into it but hey, i don't! (its sad that this is the high point of my day) Then I head off to music and my day is looking up, the elevator wasn't a long wait and i didn't have to stop at every floor! WHOO HOO!!!! But then when I get to music class, I'm venting to my friend Amy and this girl comes and sits next to me.  No big deal, i like people.  But then things start to get ugly.  She brought a can of diet coke with her to class.  My general rule of thumb is don't bring open containers to class, chances are, they'll just make a mess.  So I guess she thought it would be a good idea to put it on the little fold out writing desk thingy.  Then she takes the desk and tips it to get something from her bag, well wouldn't you know, that can slid right off!!! Who would have thought?!  Not the dummy sitting next to me apparently.  So where did the can go? you might ask, oh you guessed it! Right in my lap.  It COMPLETELY soaked through my lap and the seat and my coat.  So now, I have to sit through music class, sticky and damp.  She didn't offer to clean it up or get me paper towels or anything.  Real nice, huh?  Well as class progresses, this intelligent person next to me, keeps rocking the little writing table thingy right into my leg.  She did it at least 20 times.  What?! It isn't bad enough you made getting through the rest of my classes unbearable, you just HAD to give me a bruise too?!  Gee thanks! You're really just TOO kind.  I mean really, you must be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO freaking proud of yourself!!!

Its a wonderful day in the neighborhood!!.... NOT

Dear neighbor.
I do not know who you are but I would like to politely request that you turn the freaking bass down.  I do not know if you listen to your music in the house, garage or your car.  It is obnoxious and I should not be able to hear your gangsta rap laying in my bed.  This being said, I would also like to state your other offenses towards me and my house:
1) Do NOT ever park or allow a guest to park directly in front of or in my driveway.  This is not polite nor appropriate.
2) Do NOT pull into my drive way to turn around, miss the gravel and dig up half my yard trying to get out
3) Do not park directly behind my driveway.  If you honestly think I won't back into you, you're crazy.
4) Do NOT pull my mailbox out of the yard in a drunken fit.
5) Finally, Do NOT invite all your obnoxious red-neck friends in their big trucks to come play pool OUTSIDE.  This is not ok for the following reasons: a) Trucks take up the whole street b) who the HECK plays pool outside?


Thanks and Gig'em
Your friendly neighbor

Welcome to Mayberry Folks!

Today I spent my day watching the rest of Weeds season 5.  If you haven't gotten hooked on it, then you really ought to!  Its FANTASTIC, a little mature (read a LOT mature) but TOTALLY worth it!!  After that was over, I made lunch for me and my sister.  Nothing special or extravagant, just ravioli from the freezer and sauce from a can.  I spent all day working on my homework for classes and was much relieved to get a bunch of it out of the way and finished!!!  My day was going uneventful but totally wonderful until I got a text message.

This text message was from my sub-co (sub committee) leader.  She had decided to call a meeting for tonight.  Now these 'meetings', I use this term extremely loosely, normally consist of two or three of the five or six members showing up and our 'leader' talking/gossiping/wasting our time for a good hour or two.  These meetings generally start at 8 which is fine now that I have a car.  But when I had to ride my bike up in the cold/wet/wind/rain/dark, etc. it was frustrating.  I would have to bike home, exhausted and pissed off (because I have yet to leave one of those meetings in a good mood).  Not a recipe for perfection.  So the first text I got said the meeting was at 8.  I said, "I'll be there"  The thing is, I have to say, I'm quitting this organization.  This week infact.  I just don't enjoy the meetings or any of the things affiliated with it, with the exception of the "big sib" program, that I LOVE!! :)  So then when at 7, I got a text saying hey, meeting at 8:30, I was like, I am not gonna be able to make it.  So then she wanted an explanation.  So I made up some bull about ride difficulty and that I had a bunch of work to get done for tomorrow.  I wanted to get more of my work done so that technically wasn't a lie.  So anyway, she got pissed and was like, "these meetings are mandatory, you need to be there"  So i did what anyone else would do, I said I'd be there.  

I left my house and turned onto the main street.  I drove a little ways and then saw police lights lighting up my car.  I pulled over and got out my license.  I've never been pulled over before in my life.  I was terrified.  The worst thing was, I had no idea what I was being pulled over for, I knew I wasn't speeding, so I was clueless.  The cop went into the whole, I'm officer so and so and I need to see your license and insurance.  I gave him the stuff.  then I asked, why was I pulled over?  He replied with "are you in a hurry ma'am?" Me: "Well, I'm on my way to a meeting but I'm not like late or anything."  

Officer: "well Miss, you failed to turn into the proper lane when turning right back there.  See you made a wide right turn"

Me: "I did?  Oh I'm so sorry, I guess I just didn't realize.  I mean I knew that both lanes were clear and safe for me to turn into"

Officer:" Well, I'm gonna go run these(points to license and insurance)"

Me: ok..... (sniffle sniffle, don't cry don't cry)

Officer:  "What I'm going to do is give you a warning.  Sign here and do you have any questions?"

Me: "ummmm Ya, actually, what does getting a warning mean. Like do I have to do anything? (ya now I know it was a stupid question but cut me some slack, I've never been pulled over before)

Officer: "Well Miss. What it means is you need to be a better, safer driver.  You have to pay attention to what you're doing."

Me: (in my head) Well no kidding!  Thanks for being an jerk  out loud: "ok, Thanks officer"

So Then I proceeded to my meeting where only 3 members were there and I was absolutely NO help whatsoever to the process and the 'leader' had nothing for us to do.  It was pointless for me to waste my time there and if I had just stayed at home and not gone to that stupid meeting, I wouldn't have gotten pulled over.  To me, this sounds like God's way of telling me that I am making the right decision when it comes to getting out of this club.  

Back into the Swing of Things....

I've spent the first week of classes adjusting and trying to get back into a groove.  Last semester, the groove just appeared, it came to me instantly!!  But then again, a lot of the groove depended on my friends and going out with them and all those social type things.  As this semester starts, I have been more focused on getting better MUCH better grades than last semester.  Its not that my grades were bad.....but they weren't great either.  I don't want to spend all of my time studying or doing homework but I really do need to be more dedicated.  Which I am not only saying, I have already put it into action!!!  So far, I have started on the math homework that isn't due until Friday and not only started my 30+ chemistry assignments but completed them.  ALL of them!!!! EVEN the optional ones!!!!!!  Yay for change!! :)


My classes so far don't seem excessively difficult.  However, two of them WILL kick my patootey.  One because the course material is going to be difficult and one because my professor is an jerk.  His mission is to make at least one girl cry in his class each semester.  Oh ya, he's a winner.....not.  and my math class... I've never had any desire whatsoever to learn calculus why would I gain one now?  Oh, well, at least that professor seems like she wants us to succeed in her class and actually do well!!  Its the professors that want you to fail their class and want to make it their mission to fail the class that I have a problem with.


My favorite class this semester will be my music class.  My professor has an uncanny likeness to Mr. Shoester from Glee.  But not necessarily in the looks department but in the mannerism and attitude department their identical!!!!  He is such a FANTASTIC professor and really knows how to get the class to participate in the music we're learning about.  Plus he plays in an orchestra!  Gotta love a musician!!! :)

Bus rides through campus

This week, I've been riding the busses to get to and from my car.  I have been using this time to catch up on my people watching... Here are the people I have observed:


Mr. Cell phone Cowboy:
You are a college student, you are NOT a CEO or VP or other acronym at a high powered corporate office.  Because of that, DON'T wear your cell phone on your belt.  This look is cheapened still by the fact that it is coupled with jeans and a Texas sized belt buckle and a ball cap.  You obviously are not important enough for nicer clothes so put the darn thing in your pocket.  Its not like you wouldn't feel it on vibrate or hear it.  You're wearing denim and the last time I checked, denim wasn't sound proof!!


Miss/Mr. I'm too cool to care
You show up to the bus stop in PAJAMAS, now I get it if you were running late but honestly? when I'm on the bus early, I don't understand why you couldn't wait for the next bus in 10 min and put some pants on!!!Or for a simpler solution, sleep in clothes that are acceptable daywear!!! Or, just set your clock ahead or set your alarm for faster. These are NOT difficult conclusions to come to!!


Obnoxious, I'm so much better than you and I'm only taking the bus so the humidity doesn't ruin my hair girl
This girl, wearing a tank top, distressed jeans, Huge sunglasses and a chip on her shoulder, sat directly across from me and for the entire bus ride, continued putting her head between her knees to 'fluff' her hair.  Needless to say, I ended up with that girl's hair on my book countless times.  


While all these people get on and off the bus, I can not even begin to describe the other obnoxious people that ride the bus.  There are the casual conversation starters, you know them the "oh I'll probably never see you after this but lets have an in depth conversation about your life goals!"  and the leg shaker/pencil tapper and the I'M ON A BUS SO I HAVE TO SHOUT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO ME, and the "Like NO WAY!! UH! AH! Oh!  OMG! He DIDN'T.  Nuh uh!!!! OH EM GEE!!!!" also known as cell phone talker.  and then there is the quite, non-obnoxious book reader, she occasionally laughs at a quip in her novel or ties her hair up so it stops falling in her face.  This girl moves her feet so people can get through the aisle, she puts her bag on the floor or her lap to open up a seat. I wonder which one I am?

“To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.” ~ Susan Gordon

Sometimes, you can be in a huge group of people, at lunch in a room full of friends and familiar faces, at a meeting these bouts of loneliness that you find who you are and how you react and deal with things on your own.  These times can be great revelations But sometimes, you can be swimming in a sea of people and you feel more alone and out of place than you do when you're the only one standing in the room.  You can have all the friends in the world surrounding you and all that matters is that you can't confide in them because of one reason or another.  Maybe its because you know something you shouldn't, or you're jealous of their successes or you have you own circle of drama unfolding in front of everyone's eyes.


These times when you're all alone and having to make difficult decisions can be killer because in any other situation, you'd run to your best friend and ask their opinion.  Now you might be faced with a situation where you can't run to your best friends because you don't want to hurt them or put them in the middle of anything and maybe you can't tell any of your other friends because your decision will effect them too and you don't want to bias their opinion and then of course the people you can go to aren't responsive or have their own things to take care of and giving you an unbiased opinion isn't on their todo list for the day and then of course, maybe you just don't know how to explain the situation to anyone.  All of these COMPLETELY hypothetical situations can be frustrating and leave you feeling completely alone and unsure of what to do.